In 2020 I was moments from taking my life. I found myself suffocated and unable to see a way out of an extremely heart wrenching and unbearable situation. I was in immense pain and suffering that had appeared to almost manifest out of nowhere and in no time.
I was broken, shattered, destroyed, lost, empty, depressed, extremely anxious, terrified and on top of that I am sure I was victim of psychic attack. I was down. Kicked in the dirt. I was in a well of darkness with no ladder or rope to pull myself out. I felt isolated and alone, with few close friends or people I felt I could turn to.
I managed to connect with an old friend who drove a long way to come to visit me and we did a photoshoot together in the river near my home. I wanted to express the pain I was feeling. I wanted it to be on the OUTSIDE of me and not on the inside anymore. I wanted to express the anxiety I felt, the depression, the hurt, betrayal, the pain and desire to be put to sleep. It was intense but powerful to be witnessed in my expression, no matter how ugly it was. It just needed to leave me.
I am forever grateful to Anthony Dempsey for coming to my aid like a selfless angel in service of healing. I'm not sure if he truly knows what medicine lay within the lens of his camera and short time of company for me.
Creating these photos really saved my life.
I like to repost and revisit these memories on the anniversary they were created each year as it symbolises a beacon of light we all hold within us. If we can just catch a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel and reach for the paint brush or the piano, we can move out of these dark places and begin to see a way back to happiness.
If you are despairing, feeling low, or suicidal, let this be an encouraging message to you... everything can be moved, fixed, shifted or healed and the light will always return. Even in the darkest hour, there is always an opportunity to let go of suffering and step into the light.
